Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
