u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My penis needs a shock collar
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
