I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
