i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
