does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
