Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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