I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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