did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I bet he comes in French.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
