Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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