Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
