how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
