so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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