im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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