i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
