Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
