I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
