Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
In America we eat man semen.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
