he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
