You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
