ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
