Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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