I hate all girls vehemently.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
