But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
