They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
