The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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