you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wear drunk well.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
