Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
