I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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