So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
