if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
