Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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