Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
