just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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