I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
