Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
