Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
