I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
