I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
