Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
