I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
