alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
