Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
