i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
