I wish I could teleport
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
