fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
