i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
