Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
