this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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