Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
