i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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