Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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