I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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