I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just want nice things and good sex
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
