Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
