Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
