So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
handjob tips. give me some.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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