All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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